Self-Compassion Practices

Self-compassion is a profound way of getting in touch with self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness, and hence can be helpful in cultivating therapeutic presence. The following practices focus on approaching our challenging experiences and the experiences of others with warmth and kindness.

Self-Compassion Practice

• Take a moment to pause, breathe, and go inward.
• Become aware of a doubt that you have in your therapy practice or alternatively in your life – this could be in the form of a doubting inner voice
• See if you can float back in time to a difficult period or relationship that may have contributed to this inner doubt
• Notice the difficult feelings and sensations that are present in your body as you engage in this reflection
• Take your hand and put it on the place in your body where you feel this doubt and/or this earlier difficulty – offering kindness to the suffering you are experiencing.
• Become aware of the shared suffering that is a part of being human.
• Find some gentle and kind words to offer to that suffering such as “I am here for you,” “I know how much pain is there,”  “I understand,” and “I love you”.
• Continue to offer compassion, care and love through your words and gestures, towards yourself and that inner struggle.
• Allow your hand to drop away as you close this practice, while staying connected to the feeling and words of self-compassion.

Self-Compassion Break

Taking a self-compassion break involves approaching difficult emotions with the three elements of mindful awareness, common humanity and self-kindness.

• Begin by slowing down and noticing difficult feelings in the body or difficult emotions
• Begin to offer these three elements through
  • mindful awareness without judgement, (i.e., pain in the chest);
  • acknowledging the humanness in feeling this pain (i.e., all people experience pain and suffering, I am not alone)
  • and then offering kindness to that pain (i.e., I am here for you, I am with you).

This bypasses the secondary response we often have which is to push pain down, put it away, or judge ourselves for undergoing pain and struggle.

Soles of The Feet

Soles of the feet is a type of grounding practice. The soles of the feet are anchors to your attention, so when your mind or emotions become busy or overwhelming, you can return your awareness to the touch of the soles on the ground.

• Begin by standing and feeling the soles of your feet on the floor.
• Rock forward and back a little, and side to side. Make little circles with your knees, feeling the changes of sensation in the soles of your feet.
• When you notice your mind has wandered, gently return your attention to the soles of your feet again.
• If you wish, you can begin to walk slowly, noticing the changing sensations in the soles of your feet. Noticing the sensation of lifting a foot, stepping forward, and the placing the foot on the floor. Doing the same with both feet as you walk.
• As you walk, notice how small the surface area of your feet is, and how hard your feet work to keep your body off the ground. Invite appreciation or gratitude for the work your feet do.
• When you are ready, return to standing

Soothing Touch

The ground of self-compassion practice lies in soothing touch. This involves resting a hand on yourself and or on a place in your body you feel your emotional or physical pain. Touch activates the caregiving system and parasympathetic nervous system, just as it calms babies down when they are in distress.

• When you notice you’re under stress, take 2-3 deep, satisfying breaths.
• Gently place a hand over your heart, simply feeling the gentle pressure and warmth of your hand. If you wish, place both hands over your heart.
• Explore different aspects of touch (hand on your heart, stroking your arm, hand on hand, crossing arms to give a gentle hug, hand on your abdomen, etc.).
• As you explore these different types of touch, notice what feels best for you.

Soothing touch is helpful when experiencing challenging emotions, such as the resonance with clients’ pain in session. It can help to soothe the self and stay present, to indicate that you are feeling with your client through the gesture of a hand on the heart, and can be a mirror to invite your client to also stay present with their own pain by non-verbally inviting them to do the same.

Loving Kindness (Metta)

Metta practice involves language as the vehicle of meditation, through offering phrases of loving kindness to one’s self and others.

• Pause and find a comfortable position for practice, sitting in an upright position or lying down supine
• Invite your attention to your breath in your body, noticing the rise and fall or your belly and chest in rhythm with breathing.
• Gently repeat loving kindness phrases while holding yourself in your awareness.  Allow these phrases to rise and fall in rhythm with the breath:
  • May I be happy
  • May I be well
  • May I be safe
  • May I be in peace
• Say these phrases slowly to allow yourself to absorb the intentions they express.

Giving and Receiving Compassion

This exercise helps in both cultivating compassion and working with barriers to presence.

• Invite yourself into a comfortable, relaxed yet upright sitting posture.
• Take a few relaxing breaths as you settle yourself into the moment.
• Now briefly focus on the sensation of your inhale. FeelFeeling your inhalation while allowing your exhalation to be in the background.
• Become aware of a stress or difficulty you are currently experiencing (in yourself or in a relationship). Notice where you feel that stress in your body.
• As you inhale, offer compassion to your stress and difficult emotions inside.
• Let that go and now focus on the sensation of your exhalation. Feeling your exhalation while allowing your inhalation to be in the background.
• Call upon the image of someone who is suffering or needs some compassion.
• As you exhale, offer compassion to the other and the challenges they are experiencing.
• Now become aware of the full rhythm of inhaling and exhaling, breathing in compassion for yourself with your inhalation and breathing out compassion for the other on our exhalation.

Compassionate Listening

This relational practice involves two or more people. It focuses on listening in silence to another talk about a poignant experience. It includes the listener using their whole body to listen, and paying attention to the “pings” as they resonate with their speaker/client. The “pings” are little internal taps or moments of salience that the listener feels in their own body as they resonate with the speaker/client. Learning to listen to the pings helps therapists to use their body, a key aspect of therapeutic presence, to listen and resonate with clients as they express their challenges. Eventually, they can then use these pings to notice salience and share with clients what touches them to validate, empathize, or to maintain meaningful contact with their experience.

Practices adapted from the Mindful Self-Compassion Program (MSC; Neff & Germer, 2018)

© Christopher Germer & Kristin Neff (2021). Mindful Self-Compassion. All rights reserved.